Archive for the ‘People’ Category
July 23, 2012
I grew up in Big Ten country (long before PSU became a member!): there were coaches that even the most die-hard Buckeye fans had to offer up (begrudging) respect. Joe Paterno was one of them. He ran a clean program. He stood for what college athletics is about: winning with class. Yes, he should have retired about 15 years ago but he was JoePa as iconic to Happy Valley as John Wooden was to UCLA. This past year we just didn’t learn there wasn’t Santa: we learned that Santa stole from our best friend to give to our most despised enemy. I know, in part, that is why it hurts. We didn’t want to believe that one of the greater than life legends of college athletics knowingly covered up the sexual abuse of children. We wanted to believe one of his last interviews with Sally Jenkins that he didn’t know what was going on. The emails, the notes when they became public weren’t so much stunning revelations as much as confirmations of what we didn’t want to believe.
As the NCAA fast tracked the investigation process, rumors swirled about the death penalty. A part of me wanted PSU to receive a total death penalty (with scholarships honored) for all sports, Paterno set the culture at PSU. PSU has a history of discrimination in athletics (case and point, Renee Portland). A larger part of me realized that the death penalty for PSU football beyond punishing the players who were not on campus at the time of the coverup, punished the wider community. The local economy depends on football season: State College is a town of roughly 42,000 people: the football stadium houses 106,000 people. The tax revenue alone probably funds a majority of the local government budget. The restaurants, bars, stores, the minimum wage workers all suffer the most with a death penalty.
Is 60 million dollars enough: I’m not sure. The football revenue in 2010 was 52 million dollars. Football, in part, funds non-revenue sports (and scholarships). Is it a good move that the money will be placed into a trust not to be used by the university but administered to assist and raise awareness of the childhood sexual abuse. The NCAA is allowing all current players (including freshman) to transfer without penalty. The huge scholarship limits over the next four years will force PSU into massive rebuilding. The additional sanctions by the Big 10 in not allowing revenue sharing from bowl games will be an additional reminder.
The NCAA penalty “lack of institutional control” has been seen as laughable. Before, it would mean an extra year of probation or maybe an additional scholarship. The NCAA spoke loud and clear today: even though an NCAA violation did not occur (really), the NCAA acted in a manner which will serve as a reminder for years to come. While those in Happy Valley will mourn what was: maybe they will (eventually) see that just like Santa, Paterno’s legend was mythical. He was a flawed man who made a horrible mistakes. As the leader of the organization, even in his death, his corporation must be punished. They will suit up in Happy Valley this fall. They will play for the love of the sport. And at the end of the day, maybe, just maybe more individuals will have the courage to come forward and speak up about corporate corruption, harm to children and issues which need to be voiced.
If any good is to come out of this tragedy, may it be that if you and three of your friends go out for drinks, one of you was probably abused as a child. It’s time we start to have that conversation and build resources to help survivors heal. There will always be pedophiles. When the shame of being a victim is one begins to lessen through education, awareness and action that we can learn from because of Penn State, only then can we say we learned a lesson from Sandusky and Paterno.
Tags:Big 10, football, musings, ncaa, paterno, Penn State, personal responsiblity, PSU, Reflections, sandusky, sexual abuse, social justice, things that aren't common sense but should be, violence
Posted in People, Politics, Reflections, Sports | Leave a Comment »
May 26, 2012
There is a passage in Acts that describes a gathering of individuals (hardly even the ultra-early church) where individuals spoke in his/her native language and was understood by the recipient in his/her native language (think text predictor gone right). I’ve been to enough church services on enough continents to pick out some of the more ritual aspects of the services (some always confuse me: The Apostles Creed descending to hell or not, trespass/debts/sin variations on the Lord’s Prayer) that I can intellectually understand that passage to mean an understanding due to ritual, body language and common ideals. Of course, I’m always bemused by Peter saying people aren’t drunk because it’s 9:00 am, clearly, the man had never tailgated in the SEC/Big 10 areas of the world: especially when it’s coupled with the German peasant phrase popularized by Goethe of strawberries by Pentecost mean a good wine crop. (Note, there were ripe strawberries at the farmers market today in the Boston ‘burbs so I’m thinking it’s going to be a good wine crop. . . ).
As I drove around today making stops at various farmers markets, I couldn’t help but notice all the flags flying at half-mast (an oddly enduring Massachusetts tradition) and think about Memorial Day in the context of those gathered during the first Pentecost and wondering what we would collectively say to each other if what we were saying would be understood. It would probably come very close to what has landed Cory Booker in hot water for saying what many of us believe: as Andrew Rosenthal wrote in a recent New York Times op-ed
“Cory Booker, the young, dynamic and often unpredictable mayor of Newark, got himself into hot water over the weekend by likening Republican attacks on President Obama’s former relationship with Jeremiah Wright to Democratic attacks on private equity. “This kind of stuff is nauseating to me on both sides,” he said on “Meet the Press.” “It’s nauseating to the American public.”
He also touted the president’s pro-business record (“over 90% of Americans have seen tax cuts under this president”), and said that Mitt Romney “would have let the auto industry fail,” but the media focused on his apparent defense of Mr. Romney’s work at Bain Capital. “I know I live in a state where pension funds, unions and other people are investing in companies like Bain Capital. If you look at the totality of Bain Capital’s record they’ve done a lot to support businesses, to grow businesses.”
The sad thing? Booker has spent the week apologizing for his comments. Booker spoke in a language everybody – right, left, center – understood. We are tired of the finger pointing, hatred, vilification of opposition. Discuss your plans, the concrete ones and how you are going to pay for them. Show us how you will improve our systems. If the only way you can win is by trashing your opponents, you aren’t worthy of the position. Booker is right, it is nauseating. We as a country are better than this: and when an individual feels he has to apologize for heartfelt, probably dead on accurate comments, there is one thing I’m pretty certain of: we all agreed on the message from Mr. Booker, it just hit some on the campaign trail a bit too close to home.
Tags:anger, bain capital, cory booker, democrats, election, election nonsense, musings, Obama, people, politics, Random, Reflections, religion, republicans, Romney, social media, things that aren't common sense but should be, tolerance
Posted in People, Politics, Popular Culture, Reflections, Religion | Leave a Comment »
May 13, 2012
Long week. Long, long, long week. A week ago, Joe Biden makes a statement being for marriage equality on Meet the Press. Monday, North Carolina voters re-affirm homophobia and stereotypes. The next day, Mitt Romney is outed as a boarding school bully and Obama announces he supports same sex marriage.
Let the debates begin.
One of my friends wrote a lovely note about why LBGT people couldn’t expect Obama to come out for gay marriage due to the risk of loosing an election. Ok, that became a bit moot later in the day but I wonder? Will this cost Obama the election? I hope not.
I’m tired of being politicized. I’m tired of who I love being news. I’m tired of people who probably eat pork, shellfish, wear mixed fabrics and have probably never studied any religion outside of the four walls of their chosen faith have decided I’m an abomination. I’ve said it over and over, until somebody can explain to me why my marriage, my personal life can explain to me why/how it is a threat to their marriage, personal life without using religious language, I’m not interested in listening. It’s fear. Of course, if I had a marriage, it might be a bit more personal – right now, it’s a construct argument.
I wanted to feel elation when the president said he was for gay marriage. Instead, it immediately became a political debate. Did he do this for the ‘gay vote’? What votes will it cost him? I’m not stupid, it’s an election year. And in Washington, everything is about the next election. I had to explain to somebody all of the federal benefits of marriage: not just the obvious IRS tax code ones. The marrying a foreign national, the Social Security death benefits and on and on. I wanted somebody in the GOP to finally stand up and say, you know what? It doesn’t matter what happens between two consenting adults. I didn’t want to hear pundits bash gay conservatives. Sexual orientation and religion don’t belong in politics. I don’t feel threatened by my straight conservative friends heterosexual marriages and I’m going to guess they don’t feel threatened by my personal life.
Then we hear about Romney the boarding school bully. Just what we need. How can you forget if you cut off a classmates hair? Having been subject to some lovely junior high/high school bullying, I remember who spit on my face. I don’t know if they remember: I’d like to think they do. Of course the student involved was closeted. Of course.
Last Sunday, I thought maybe we can have a civil discussion about what it is like to be gay in this country, and how much it hurts. By the end of the week, I wanted to curl up in my bed and sleep. It’s been an exhausting week. It always is when people get to vote on your rights: and even when the president offers you an olive branch, it still hurts.
The road to equality is long and painful. I prefer knowing my enemies. I applaud Mr. Obama and Mr. Biden for their public change in position. In a few years, hopefully this will be viewed as a moment like President Johnson’s introduction of the Civil Rights Act. Courage isn’t often loud: courage is standing up for your beliefs when you have something to lose. Maybe that is what I needed to hear all week: not Romney the bully, the political gains/losses or did Biden force Obama’s hand. What I needed to hear was that when all is said and done, hopefully Obama and Biden will be remembered for standing up for what is right when it could cost them their jobs. And that type of courage should always be celebrated.
Tags:Amendment One, GOP, human rights, Joe Biden, lgbt, marriage equality, North Carolina, Obama, politics, Romney, same-sex marriage, social justice
Posted in LGBT, People, Politics, Reflections | Leave a Comment »
April 7, 2012
I think I’m one of a dozen people who has watched Grey’s Anatomy. I’m not sure HOW I missed it when if first came out (thank you Netflix) but I caught the first 3 episodes today.
If you surf back in my blog, I think there is an entry about Maude Thursday and Holy Week from last year complete with an edited version of what happened. This week was the opposite. I’m not sure where I stand about my role in the church, that’s a different battle for a different day. I know now I feel safe (emotionally) where I worship which is a far cry from last year.
One of the early episodes of Grey’s dealt with organ donation and the resident reminding the intern that it wasn’t “skin”, “eyes” when speaking to the family, it was the person’s skin that could help others. I’ve sat in these meetings, I’ve heard the surgeons try to explain what would happen, the stunned families still trying to process the death of a loved one being asked to give parts so another person may live. Nobody likes these conversations. The doctors try to be clinical, afterwards some are lost in thought, others are snarky – no matter the outcome. The families grapple with the decision because in essence, the grief process is condensed to the finality of yes, my loved one is gone. And the social workers/chaplains won’t ever say it aloud but are silently cursing over what was probably a senseless death and trying to gather enough about the person to speak to the family afterwards.
I’ve been on the receiving side. It’s strange. Each time the redo one of my hips they put in more bone grafts. I was watching Grey’s, and the wife of the organ donor said something along the lines of how do I hold a funeral when my husband doesn’t have any skin? (reality, they take the skin from the back and thighs but that is an aside). I thought about the dozen families who wondered and still gave the bones for my grafts. It is hard to receive that gift: knowing it was because of a death. I rarely think about the giving (ok, I rarely think about it period, it’s not exactly laced with happy memories, just a lot of scars of varying sorts) and the courage it takes to let a part of a loved one live even when s/he is no longer with his/her family.
Many of us owe a lot to strangers who in a period of great darkness and sorrow, found the compassion and strength to give. As I sit the night before Easter, I can’t help but give thanks.
Tags:easter, giving, Grey's Anatomy, organ donation, popular culture, Random, reflection, religion, surgery, television
Posted in Health Care, People, Politics, Popular Culture, Religion | Leave a Comment »
March 27, 2012
Fourteen or so years ago, my brother and I cut across a parking lot by Thompson-Boiling Arena on the way to a Tennessee/Notre Dame football game. We wove among tailgaters talking about our mom’s cancer having come back, trying to make sorts of the crushing news and the next thing I knew my brother was sprawled (and I do mean sprawled) out on the ground having been taken out by a kid. I looked at the kid to make sure he was ok, smirked at my brother and in with in a second was paralyzed by fright. A voice said something like this “Tyler, I’ve told you a hundred times”. I REALLY made sure the kid, one Tyler Summitt, was ok. The last thing I needed in my life was my brother harming the prince of East Tennessee. Everybody knew Tyler, everybody knew Pat and now my brother was sprawled out on a parking lot having taken out a kid. Great.
The first thing Pat Summitt did was make sure my brother was ok. | stood there stunned. Pat made Tyler apologize, then she apologized and we parted ways. As we walked away, I looked at my brother and said you had better be grateful you didn’t harm Tyler Summitt.
Since I went to my first UT game in 1988 until last year, one thing was the same. Pat would prowl the sidelines, barking at her team, the officials, Smokey and just about everybody at TBA. This year has been nothing short of painful. Every game, every venue opposing fans would pay tribute. Reporters from major outlets have talked about how Pat Summitt single handedly changed the perception of women’s athletics (with a major assist from Title IX). As clearly as I can see the fantastic title game in Kansas City, I can see the painful losses – the national title game in Philly where they carried Geno around … and the back door cuts after back door cuts. The loss in the 2001 regional semi final where I was so mad, I went out at got something good that was orange. A cat (really) – it’s how Jackson came into my life. He was almost named Pat – but I had a nephew Patrick and well, Jackson is a boy.
Pat Summitt has done it all in her sport: the first Olympic Captain for women’s basketball, 1098 career victories, more than one court named after her, legions of fans, a 100% graduation rate: last night 3 graduate students started for Tennessee. I turned the game off at half time. I couldn’t watch it anymore. Tennessee was going to lose. I couldn’t see through my tears. This wasn’t the most talented team – Baylor deserved the win. I wanted a fairy tale ending. I wanted one more title.
The answer is that this is the legacy of Pat: more teams are more competitive than at any other time in women’s basketball. Stanford, Baylor, UConn, Tennessee, Kentucky, Duke, Maryland, Notre Dame, LSU, Georgia all have or are building in the case of Kentucky, deep basketball traditions. Women in sports are becoming more the norm: I work with a former DI hockey player. My niece is a fantastic ball player. A daughter of a friend is on a traveling volleyball team. There were other programs that embraced Title IX (Anson Dorrance at UNC leaps to mind with soccer) but basketball is a sport that most individuals will probably play (from H-O-R-S-E to competitive) at some point during their lives.
I watched the clips from Holly Warlick and Kim Mulkey today. Both were fraught with emotion and near tears. At some point, Pat will step down. Probably this off season. It hurts. Alzheimer’s is an ugly, brutal disease that does nothing but rob people.
As I’ve thought about how much this feels painful, I remember that crisp October afternoon. A chance encounter with an iconic figure. And oh, how she will be missed.
Tags:basketball, equality, Feminism, Lady Vols, March Madness, Pat Summitt, sports, Tennessee, Title IX, WCBB
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March 24, 2012
There was a moment where I became acutely aware of my internal racism. We all have it: others can and will wax more poetic about the self-realization. Walking down a sidewalk in Cape Town, South Africa, I found myself in a sea of black men. I was aware of my internal panic. And I caught myself: I was in South Africa. That momentary rise of panic…where I fell prey to the images that had been portrayed in my middle of America upbringing caught me.
I shrugged it off. And I was (probably) wearing a hoodie. I usually wear one: I have a few “work” hoodies (really) and head to the gym most mornings with a hoodie on instead of a coat. They are a uniform of sorts. As I type this, I’m wearing a hoodie. Not as a statement but as a Saturday evening watching hoops sort of thing (Ohio State hoodie: Ohio State game).
By tomorrow night, 4 teams will have punched their tickets to the Final Four: this will involve roughly 48 student-athletes. In 2009, 243 African American men were murdered between the ages of 12-30 in the state of California alone. It’s a genocide of sorts: I don’t use that term lightly. I’ll never know what it means to be a racial minority in this country (well, maybe but the power nexus is still Anglo). I can grasp what it means to be an under represented person. However, racial stereotypes are far greater, the gaps far wider than that of being a woman and at least where I live, being gay (it doesn’t make the intolerance any less acceptable).
It’s Lent: a period of time of reflection in the Christian community. For all the hate filled politics, the politics of changing the power structure in this country and it rattling the foundations of many, we need to take a collective breath. President Obama was correct: Trayvon Martin would be his son if he had one. By all accounts Martin was a good, normal kid who was murdered because of fear.
What disturbs me the most is the lack of an immediate outcry. The lack of a proper investigation. Following the story a bit this week, hearing people discuss having to talk to their children about what to expect when they are stopped by the police left me wondering. What have I done? Not enough. I haven’t spoken up enough when people make remarks on race, gender, sexual orientation or religion. I haven’t said this is my line and you are over it enough.
I have 3 nephews: 5, 13 and 15. The middle one lives in his hoodies. It’s a sad commentary that I know he is safe wearing his hoodie because of his blue eyes, fair hair and freckles. All children should be safe: and nobody should have to have a conversation on how to avoid harassment from the police. We should be above this. The real tragedy will be when we don’t learn the lessons. This isn’t about confirming a fictional character to the Supreme Court: this is about a child murdered for merely being in the wrong place, wearing the wrong item of clothing.
Tags:basketball, crime, fear, fear mongering, hoodies, murder, Race, safety, skittles, trayvon martin
Posted in Lent, People, Politics, Reflections | 1 Comment »
March 20, 2012
I usually enjoy March: the days getting longer, the fun of the basketball games and the general awakening after a usually long winter.
This year? I think I might start by pulling my hair out. I’m over the war on the non-white heterosexual male. Over it. The latest shot? The a legislature in Idaho asking if a woman really would know if it’s rape or not.
Really? Between Susan G. Komen and Planned Parenthood, this simply has to end. Where are the men speaking up in defense of the reproductive choices for the women in their lives? Where are the brothers, sons, fathers, husbands saying my spouse is my partner: she is as strong as I am, she is worth as much as I am, she has the right to make her own choices regarding her health. And yes, stupid representative from Idaho, somebody knows when she or he has been raped.
Where are the men? The silence of the so called liberal men disgusts me almost as much as the conservative war on women by the right. Men, by sheer luck of being an XY instead of an XX, are part of the ruling elite: even if they are not part of the 1-15%. Conservative dialog is part of the process: hatred is not.
Equality is intimidating. It’s time for the men who say they are liberal, who say they are for women’s rights to stand up and shout back to those who seek to oppress the rights of others “this is unacceptable.” The era of Nixon’s Silent Majority is long gone. The stakes are much too high.
Tags:GOP, lgbt, Men, musings, people, politics, Random, Reflections, republicans, Silence, social justice, war on women
Posted in LGBT, People, Politics, Popular Culture, Reflections | 3 Comments »
February 26, 2012
People who know me … and have known me for more than 4 years, probably know the issues I’ve had around going to church. There is enough fodder there for a good-bad reality television show. Seminary, for many reasons, lead me away from the church. And by away, I mean only-when-visiting-my-sister-and-can’t-fake-food-posioning-again away. There are many complex layers that really are not fit for a public discussion (read, I’m not the only one involved and part of it, I flat out don’t want flying about the interwebs). There has always been a sense of missing the collective gathering (probably more of a Jungian archetype than I’d care to admit) for ritual.
I am sure that part of the need for ritual for me has been how ingrained church has been in my life for many years. My grandmother’s memorial service was held at the church my parents were married in. People at my sister’s church still tell the story of when my sister conned me into dressing up as an angel to hold the baby Jesus (that would have been a now 13 year old niece) while trying to keep a 2 year old from removing all the ornaments off the tree. Her wise words to a friend “my sister is going to kill me.”
Somewhere, I think, in this blog is about how most of that was taken away: not the memories. But the sense of belonging. The sense of being able to sit in community. Part of the training in seminary is a collection of mostly unpaid internships. One place noted that they would have not offered me the position had they known I was gay. Because the church is exempt from most hiring practices, this is not an uncommon stance. Hearing that comment, as part of a performance review, in an exceptionally liberal Christian denomination to this day remains one of the more painful aspects of my journey. In the span of 2 weeks, I went from a contract renewal to a concern of “deceptive” behavior because I did not tell somebody I was gay. During my CPE (Clinical Pastoral Experience) (read, unsupervised chaplain), during the discussion on human sexuality, I wound up being prayed over by 4 very conservative students from a different seminary that I might find “God’s grace and forgiveness”. When I tried to discuss this during supervision (the time when you met with the people who “supervise” (word used very casually) you), I was told I needed to bring it up with the entire group: that it was my job to educate them on equality. Huh?
After I graduated, the last place I wanted to see, be seen, hear, think, ever go to again was a church. Despite trying to bring attention to what happened to me, I received a clear message from the seminary, the CPE program and others: being gay was an issue.
And yet, the yearning for collective ritual remained. Some times, the pull was stronger than others. The Lenten pool is always the strongest. For me, Lent is a period of reflection: individual, collective over who we are as people. It’s that selfish period for me where I can reflect on where do I need to be. Where I can struggle with the questions of meaning in my life, where I can find a pause to think, reflect and try to find the balance.
I made a promise to somebody that I would attempt to attend church during Lent. I *like* Lent. I went today. A straight male minister criticizing one of the denominations in the federated church for upholding the excommunication of a minister for performing legal same sex unions (tied back to the promise of the rainbow). a congregant voicing concern over the burning of Koran in Afghanistan by members of the US military and stating that all religions have sacred texts and none is more sacred than another (and for the record, no, I was not in a UUA church!) and a singing bowl.
Healing words. It’s ok to be who you are here. We recognize different traditions or no tradition. We stand together in trying to make this crazy backwards world a better place.
Tags:christian, church, cpe, equal marriage, family, islam, jungian, Koran, lgbt, religion, ritual
Posted in Lent, LGBT, People, Reflections, Religion | 2 Comments »
February 12, 2012
I love March Madness. For most of the month, I’m transported into a land where David’s beat Goliath, where crazy shots win the games and, where, at the end, many players will have played a game competitively for the last time and the tears you see are real tears of realizing that this was the last time you would get to do something you would love. This year, I have a hunch it will be the last time we see Pat Summit prowl the lines as the legendary coach of the Lady Volunteers. If there is a fairy tale ending, for Pat, UT would cut down the nets in Denver. The reality is that it won’t happen: and oh, I wish I was wrong. I was in the stands in Kansas City (I can still see that in-freaking-sane 3 point shot by Kellie Jolly). I was there in Knoxville, Boston, Philly, Palo Alto, New Orleans when they didn’t cut down the nets. I court side in Tampa and grabbed my ACL repaired knee when Vikki Baugh hurt hers.
It doesn’t matter where you in the stadium, when the Lady Vols play, you can hear Pat’s voice. I’ve heard that distinticve Middle Tennessee twang all over the country as I’ve caught games when I could. This year I saw the Lady Vols play at Madison Square Garden.
Maggie Dixon Classic
All season, long time assistant Holly Warlick has been running the huddles. In an exceptionally perceptive, well written article, Dan Flesser examines the role that Warlick has tried to balance this year. At the University of Tennessee, there is a saying “Vol For Life”: it comes out of the saying on the locker rooms that states “Today, I will give my all for Tennessee.” Warlick was the first athlete – male or female – to have her jersey retired. She was one of the first basketball All-Americans at UT, while attending on a track scholarship because basketball did not have enough. Working without a contract, she is trying to balance something most of us cannot fathom. Summitt isn’t just her boss, but a life long mentor and friend. Warlick’s words were telling: she doesn’t know if Pat will be back next year.
These are the ways I want to remember Pat (bad fashion and all):
Leading Rocky Top at UT Men's Game
8th National Title
That is 3 in row!
Not always a fashion plate: always coaching
(Even the serious fashion faux pas outfits!)
Coaching in the huddle
There will be some hard decisions to be made in Knoxville at the end of the season. Sadly, I think it is time for Pat to step aside at the end of the season. She’s given her all for Tennessee. She is a VFL. And my fairy tale ending is this ending in number nine. I know that won’t happen (Stanford!). My only hope is that this can happen with grace and dignity for all parties involved. This doesn’t have a happy ending. One of the greatest coaches, one of the greatest women pioneers in athletics doesn’t get to ride off into the sunset. May her legacy be the generations of women who embody Title IX and having the courage to publicly battle Alzheimer’s.
Tags:Alzheimer's, basketball, Feminism, Lady Vols, Lady Volunteers, March Madness, Pat Summitt, people, SEC, Title IX, UConn, VFL, womens basketball
Posted in People, Popular Culture, Sports, Uncategorized | 2 Comments »
February 7, 2012
This should really be titled Part II(b). I decided to google the individual for whom I made the database.
Big mistake.
I sorta had a tea party.
No silly. Not the Alice type. The Sarah Palin type.
Whoops. The only good part? The database was never updated. If you subscribe to the service, you too can think that Anthony Weiner is a member of the US House of Representatives from NY.
Tags:activism, database, Feminism, Humor, musings, personal responsiblity, politics, Random, Sarah Palin, social justice, tea party
Posted in People, Politics, Popular Culture | Leave a Comment »
